Vishante Kaffas - A letter from Dorian Pavus to Inquisitor Lavellan
by seranna
Summary: Post Trespasser. Before Dorian leaves for Tevinter for good, he writes Lavellan one last letter. He couldn't keep watching his best friend burn herself out on a relationship that's clearly not good for her. He hopes his words can bring some sense back. One-shot.


Dearest Ellana,

Let me start this letter by saying, again, that it pains me greatly to leave your side for the Imperium. While my homeland is quite the mess, you are clearly a bigger mess. The only consolation in this whole situation is that I can keep tabs on you with our crystals. If not, I may have to abandon Tevinter to its dismal fate while I put your broken pieces back together. Again.

After tomorrow you won't have the pleasure of my charm any longer. No more soothing words and a strong shoulder to console your broken heart. I find myself unable to sleep on the eve of my departure to Minrathous unless this letter is written and left in your little hands.

Before I start, I want you to know I value your happiness highly. So highly that it's only second to my own happiness. Fortunately for both of us, the two coincided more than disagreed. It is for your own happiness, dear Ellana, that I ask that you forget about Solas.

How long are you going to pine after that no good liar of an ex-boyfriend? How many times does he have to break your heart before you move on? That's not mentioning the fact he wishes to destroy the world as we know it to bring back a world only he knew.

Let me illustrate my point and review your relationship history, shall we?

First and foremost, he lied to you, and to all of us, this entire time. It turns out he was behind the evil being of old legends acquiring the power to rip open the sky in the first place. But that's not all. Then he uses you as a pawn to fix his mistake by telling your half truths to guide your path. Your relationship was built on deceit.

You have once described your first time in the fade as magic in every sense of the word. He took you into the fade in a weak moment, conveniently when the Inquisition and its Inquisitor were both trying to rebuild. You drew to his knowledge like a moth to flames though. It took one kind word from him to set your heart alight. Ellana, can you not see he was taking advantage to gain your trust?

Regardless, you kissed him.

And he kissed you back, then hesitated about your relationship. Any normal woman would sense the alarm bells at the word "complications" and back away. But you, you were always persistent. It makes you a great Inquisitor, but shit at dating.

I watched you mission after mission, saving everything from fortresses to druffalos from the chaos around us. He was by your side every step. How you hung onto his words like they were gospel. You were every bit a pining child, waiting for him to return your fancy. You were certain he would be as certain about your love in time.

When he came to you for help, you were too happy to suspend our quest to save his friend. You even allowed him to exact his revenge on the misguided mages. They were quite ignorant, but you're not a cruel person. For him, you set aside yourself to allow him petty vengeance. I saw you begin to lose a small piece of yourself.

But before I could speak to you about this ill-fated infatuation, he returned to Skyhold. You hovered by him like a mother attending to a child. Before long, he pulled you to your balcony and called you his heart. I don't blame him, really. You're a charming lady with the power to command an army. What man wouldn't fall for such a woman? Yet you continued to ignore the warnings. It would have been kinder in the long run...

I won't lie. Those long nights when we sat in your room gossiping about various members of the Inquisition were probably the best time of my life. I appreciated having a kindred spirit in falling for a man forbidden to you. I was selfish to not dissuade you from your romance. I wanted to fan my own amorous exploits. I wish now I had the courage then to say what I've always wanted to say. He's not good enough for you.

Instead, I let you get closer to him. You two traveled the fade together, faced down the Orlesian court together, and even took down dragons together. The elven Inquisitor and her elven apostate by her side. It was like a fairytale, except there are no happy endings in Thedas.

It wasn't until after you explored Mythal's temple that things came to a head. I still recall when you returned from Crestwood. You looked forward to that trip. You wanted to steal whatever moment you could for just the two of you. Instead, you returned blank-faced and broken. He took your identity then left you. Then you had to live with his cold politeness after. Crestwood was the knife that stabbed your heart, his polite mask after wrenched the knife deeper.

I should've come to you then, to console you. Even in your heartbreak, you took his advice. Your heart was hardened and you dove yourself into your work. I don't blame you. Corypheus needed to be stopped and you were more committed than ever for the task. You said that if you could just eliminate the threat on this world, if you could complete your duty, Solas would come back to you. After all, he spoke of distractions from duty. Now we know it's not your duty he spoke of.

But he didn't.

He left for good.

The triumphant Inquisitor was alone, haunted by the last words of the apostate. If what you had was real, why did he put you through all this? You won, but you were weaker than ever. How many did you let see the weakness in your heart? The pain you endured? I was one of the privileged few who witnessed the tears you shed when you jerk awake from yet another dream of him. It pained me to see you like that.

Pure resolve and will kept you going, to explore the world of the first Inquisitor and the mystery of the Deep Roads. I apologize I couldn't be around anymore. By then I had to return to Tevinter. But you were recovering. You were finally able to sleep a whole night without waking from thoughts of him. You were finally able to speak of him without hardening yourself to be dead to feelings. I was confident you will return to the Ellana I loved and treasured as a friend.

One moment you're recovering. Then out of nowhere a Qunari plot knocks on your door and drags your ex-lover back with it. Do you not see the pattern? He's the lyrium you can't break free of. He's the addiction that relapses you time and time again as you begin to recover.

This time, you discover his lies. The hints were everywhere, yet even until the bitter end you believed he needed saving. How are you so experienced in matters of battle, politics, and leadership, but so naïve in matters of the heart? He didn't need saving. You needed to be saved from him, from the tragedy of your own legends.

This is painful for you to relive, but it can't be helped. You need it all in one place to see the pattern of lies and torment he put you through. Repeatedly, he gives you hope then dashes it away. He yanks your heartstrings then slices it with a knife. I don't know if the Qunari knows a better method of torture.

The woman that falls for this ploy is not the proud woman I know. Inquisitor Lavellan stood up to a darkspawn magister and his dragon to come out victorious. She built an army to be reckoned with in face of astoundingly bad odds. She attended an Orlesian ball, murdered the hostess, and somehow became the new darling of the Empire. She is not a whimpering love-struck girl eating out of the palm of her lover, however old and powerful he might be.

It's with this that I beg of you, Ellana, my best friend, to snap yourself out of it. Vishante kaffas, you need to lead us to stop him! You're the rightful defender of this world against the madness of an age bygone. See him for the liar and monster he truly is and let him go.

For your own sake, Ellana, let it all go.

Forever your best friend,

Dorian Pavus


End file.
